After thinking it over and asking a couple people. I decided to go ahead and post a journal about it. To let everyone know what they might need to expect and such.
Well a couple days ago, my papaw, (grandfather) went to have some tests run on him since he's been having some problems and becoming sick. After they test they found colon cancer. They removed about 6 or 8 inches of his colon, and they said it didn't eat through it yet, and didn't look to be in the lymph nodes. But they found a large spot on his liver. Now they said if that was cancer that he would need chemo. But he already said he wouldn't take that. But the results of the biopsy hasn't come back in yet so even though they seemed pretty certain of what it was, they can't be sure just yet.
He's in his late 70's going through all this, and today they said he was setting up on his own, and had only a little pain moving around. But I don't think it's all over yet. My Mamaw (grandmother) has been so stressed I've never seen her need her nerve pills as much as she has these past three going on four days. Everyone seems to be breaking down, crying and such. I'm the only one who hasn't, not for lack of trying, but that's just me, I can't ex-spell my emotions very well. So my sister, dad, uncle aunt ect. Just everyone is worried about my mamaw and papaw.
I don't want him to go just yet, and definitely not like this. I just want him to be around at least until I can have a job back home, and give them some comfortable less worrisome living. They're kind of my foundation, and my world does in some ways revolve around them. So I go around, and act stupid, and annoy people to make people feel like things are normal, and to make them laugh. But when I'm alone, the silliness goes away.
My plans to move to California might be slowed if not just out right stopped. My mamaw is so afraid of being left alone, and the only reason I was okay with leaving is because she has my papaw. But if something happens to him, I can't leave, I won't. She was sitting in her chair today, crying, and after I told her I wouldn't leave her, she just kept asking, or more or less begging me to not leave her alone. Of course I wouldn't.
I'm sure more things both good and bad will come. I just want to ride down the road with my papaw again, and buy him a rootbeer that he likes. I want to see them both play Zelda more, and I want to be able to move to California, get an education maybe, if I can. And move back, take the load off of them. Take care of them for once. Since they have and are still taking care of me.
Seems the more emotion there is the more of a zombie to it I become. I don't want to be alone either. Tomorrow I'll be alone here. My mamaw will be staying at the hospital with him. and we'll hear about the biopsy soon enough.
Other than that I want you all to know, I am still working on pics. Yes I'm taking my time, but I'm also doing it to keep myself occupied. And to not just build money for my teeth but for my family if we need it. See when they drove into the hospital the first day for my papaws tests, the van and one of the only vehicles our family has caught fire and burnt the engine up, totaled it. So yeah. Just in case, i'm also trying to save if we absolutely need it. And also still for my teeth, which are in seriously bad shape as i have said before.
Life just decided to start my new year out great, but then also wanted to fuck me and my family over some. So Yeah, a bit of a vent, and also to let you all know stuff.